Recently I have been considering my use of the word hope. 1. hope, noun - the feeling that what is wanted can be had. I have often found myself saying or writing well-meant things to ME pals, like, 'Hope you feel better soon.' Consider this: would anyone say to an amputee, 'I hope your legs grow back,' or even 'I hope to God stem cell research will find a way to create new legs'? Not likely. Tactless, me?! Granted, there are fluctuations in ME, but likewise, there is also a constant point of function at which the majority of us have never been able to get beyond.
So there are days when I am striving for the mental equivalent of the amputee's prosthetic legs; the adaptation to a situation I cannot change. There's always a dip in my stomach as I set denial aside for a while and stop wishing for major improvement or healing. This may feel like defeat on many levels yet I know that it takes strength. It does. It goes against all our conditioning. It's the camel passing through the eye of the needle. I know I go on about this in my blog but there really is the biggest battle, or the biggest shift, contained in that one small word, accept.
Well, the sun is shining here and I'll be able to get out for an hour to meet Stuart for tea/coffee soon. Phew - I will be sure to appreciate it while it lasts.