Monday, October 02, 2006

If you say so

Regular dialogue inside my head -

C: You haven't written poems or stories for ages. You really should apply yourself...

C: I feel wiped-out right now. I barely have the concentration to read, so why should I be expected to write?

C: Well, given the choice, you occasionally get out to meet friends and drink herbal tea in cafes. You should have written a novel by now.

C: But I'm alone most of the day and I like my friends...

C: (Folds arms, sighs). Okay, I'll let you off for today. Call me tomorrow.

I sometimes try to use a method called The Work, which challenges every stressful 'should' thought. 'I should write more'. Is that actually true? It doesn't have to be. For an Irish Catholic, I carry a lot of Calvinism.

At least I'm not suffering from the delusion of X factor contestants with their wholesale hysteria that their mental health hinges on just getting through to the next round because fame means everything to them and they 'eat, sleep and breathe singing.' How did fame come to be valued as the panacea?
I'm going to cook corn on the cob. I was afraid of it as a child - it was too unwieldy and yellow-tasting. Now that's the good part.
-C

4 comments:

CatherineNiven said...

Ciara, that's the conversation i have with myself so often! x

Sue Jackson said...

Ah, the inner dialogue! My brain is also filled with "shoulds", especially when it comes to writing. I've just read Christopher Reeve's autobiography, "Still Me." Now my mind games include, "Look what he accomplished as a quadriplegic! Surely, I should be able to do more." How do we learn to go easier on ourselves?

Sue

Ciara said...

Yes gals, last bit of the dialogue goes...

C: I've got one word for you, one word.

C: what?

C: SEABISCUIT

nmj said...

Girls, If you really want to write a novel, you will - you just have to REALLY want to . . .