Pond Eat Pond World

Do you remember when you'd rather stay in and watch TV than go out and play with your pals? Then they'd call you square eyes? I'm going to get interwebitis as a result of too much trivia surfing. My excuse is that I can't get out to play tonight...

This afternoon I got beaten at chess by my five year old friend, Luca. It was more like a dead heat and I was willing my king to fall over just to put me out of my misery. Okay, so it was my first chess game in about 24 years and Luca was referring to his pawns as 'ponds'; 'eating' my 'ponds'. A fair contest.

I remember going to Luca's house on a past occasion and there were two new kids there and when I walked into the room he ran up to me and said, Ciara, this is Alexander and this is Jonathan. It was totally unprompted and of his own volition. And I thought, some adults live their whole lives without ever learning such gracious social skills, and here's a 4 year old boy trying to make me feel included.

I'm having a Saturday night in by myself. I've already eaten crumpets with jam, chocolate biscuits and sang loudly along with Dolly Parton. What other treats await? I pledge to direct my square eyes towards a good book.

-C

Free Cat

He's called Seamus and if anybody in or near Glasgow wants to take him home, just e mail me. (Vital stats : he's 5 years old with all his jabs / neutered etc). He's belongs to my sister's family but they have to travel a lot and Seamus doesn't really like driving up and down the M6. Can you blame him?

-C

She's A Maniac on the Floor

Confession time. When I was fifteen, I saw Flashdance. I believed it was not technically possible to be prettier than Jennifer Beals. I opened my mind to the career option of being a welder by day, dancer by night.

Readers, it was not to be. Getting a 'C' in first-year metal work and owning two pairs of leg-warmers wasn't qualification enough.

-C

Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day?

Ah, the double edged sword of comparison. I'm at my lowest physical ebb in months (in the wake of a heavy cold) and I've had to lower my sights again. One of the hardest parts of being long-term ill is comparing yourself to others. Some of the juiciest heartaches have come from the old 'compare and contrast' manouevre (self inflicted, I add). Here's what you could have won if only you hadn't got ill ! But what about the flip side, where I console myself that I'm not as unfortunate as X, Y or Z? Is that cheating? Unfair?

Anyway, early amphibian's aside...Who's blog is it anyway? I don't know how many are reading and who you are, you mysterious and unknown readership, you. The comments section requires enrolling hence you probably have to give details of your bank balance and inner thigh measurements before leaving a comment. I might have to get one of those visitor counters to keep tabs on you.

-C

PS. I tried to install a web counter but it was linked to advertising. The product? A spray called Urine Gone for getting dog pee off the sofa. Also I checked the spelling of juiciest and it was correct. What about 'i before e, except after c' ? Spooky.

Deer Deer

So I have an informal arrangement with my neigbours to befriend their new Scottish Deerhound pup, Tilly, while they are at work. Today I invited Tilly into my flat for the first time. I'm tempted to say it's going well. She's lolled on her belly to let me stroke her. When I returned from the kitchen with my cheese sandwich, she'd left teeth marks in a plastic whale and a library copy of 'Everyday Positive Thinking.' She has beautiful eyes. It might be the start of something.

-C

And We Give it.

Don't be fooled by their jolly, colourful exterior. If they knock on the door, don't invite them in for tea. It's too late here. I seem to be processing a raging flu type virus. It's making itself right at home: eating extra chocolate biscuits without even asking.

So much of living with ME is weighing up what you can and can't get away with in terms of activity. But right now I have no choice but to lie in bed with this here laptop and 'talk' to you, dear blog readers.

I read another lovely poem by American poet, Jane Hirschfield. I won't quote it all but it's called The Weighing and it's about making peace with what life brings and those moments when the good blots out the bad. When I was acutely ill, I used to get up out of bed about 2am and sit with my top floor window open on summer nights. And even though my days had been a barren struggle just to keep going, I still felt a kind of peace breathing in the scent of the trees and looking out for foxes.

From The Weighing ...

So few grains of happiness
measured against all the dark
and still the scales balance.

The world asks of us
only the strength we have and we give it.
Then it asks more, and we give it.

(Jane Hirschfield).

-C