Sunday, March 11, 2007

What Poker Face?

Nice Man is producing a forthcoming album by new Glasgow band, The Attic Lights. The photo above is a wee shrine of kitsch-ery that a Japanese fan sent them. Aww. I am not so blinded by love for Nice Man, that I like all his musical endeavours. Indeed, he is fully aware of this fact because I have a rubbish 'poker face' and can't fake enthusiasm. But - hoorah - my face tells the truth when I say I am a fan of the Attic Lights. Equally important, they are thoughtful, kind lads who offered me a lone chair and plenty of carrot cake at their recent video shoot. For this I wish them platinum album sales.

Nice Man and I went to Edinburgh this weekend to visit his friends and family. I was more ME-ish than I predicted. On paper, I know I can be myself and lie on the couch or take short breaks as much as I feel I need to. On paper. In reality I am not very good at this and I Try Too Hard. If we have muscles for politeness, mine are gently aching after exertion. Like I said before - I have to learn to be a NANE and give up the hovering urge to explain myself, if I don't feel up to it.

My brother announced that he is getting married in June. Great news and our first family wedding, down in the scenic borders of Scotland. They kept it a secret since last year. If it was me, it would have slipped out somewhere. I'd be asking about the weather forecast and I'd say, wedding forecast by accident and then start to giggle and shake my head apologetically.


Anonymous said...

We stayed in Drumelzier, near Peebles, for the February weekend -it was super even in mid-winter so the Borders should be gorgeous for a summer wedding. Enjoy, and don't forget to rent a room for a mid-wedding snooze!
Keep going with the new therapy and you may only need a cat-nap!!

mistertones said...

I'm not sure about this NANE business ! Never apologise, yes - why should you, for taking steps to cope with this horrible illness ? But "never explain" ? If explaining means speaking up and making people aware of why you have to do what you have to do, then I'm all for it...

Ciara said...

Ta mistertones,

I know what you mean, but sometimes it's tiring to feel you have to explain - eg I often sit with my knees scrunched into my chest as I have near-constant back/neck pain oon sitting upright. Sometimes I think it looks a cheeky way to sit in polite company and I'll explain. Other times I wish I didn't feel the need to explain :-)


nmj said...

C, That is some fine Japanese kitschness, it made me smile.

I still worry that people think I am lazy if I sit down when everyone else is standing. I want to explain, but I don't want to draw attention, is not always easy to know what to say, if anything.

Digitalesse said...

Glad to hear that the new regime is helpful. I love that photo, too.

I find that I am caught between the dilema of faking the appearance of a well person and the reality of my symptoms. I recently visited the surreal planet of Ikea, and ended up sitting on the floor in an exhausted heap, not once but twice, plus two trips to the cafe. Although I have my pride and my vanity to contend with, I don't care too much if anyone sees me on the floor. It's easier with strangers, there's nothing to explain because you won't see them again.

With people I know, it's not so easy. I'm a naturally sociable person, I like to laugh with people, and I have a naughty sense of humour. Somehow, that characteristic is seems to jar with the perception of how an unwell person *should* behave, and somehow it overrides all the physical difficulties that would be evident to my husband, as he can tell when I'm struggling. However, I've also learned that people can react negatively and impatiently to me explaining that I am unwell, so I've learned not to talk about it. That may be to my detriment. It's very difficult to know when explanation is appropriate. It can backfire either way.