Wednesday, May 23, 2007

These Things I Know (for me, if not ME)

Phew! The blog comments kitchen isn't half heating up on the ol' mind/body therapies debate.

I'm trying to avoid getting dragged into rhetoric and I am fine with everyone expressing their views. In fact I feel like I'm sitting in the eye of the hurricane, where the leaves are barely rustling above my head. But I can tell people are still mystified, as I was, and still am. I don't feel qualified to pronounce any definitive answers as the Mickel Therapy (MT) is still a work in progress for me.

However, I thought I'd lasso a few truths and clarify them for myself. I don't wish to sound defensive - it's more a case of 'these things I know' (or at least I think I do...)

1) I know how disconcerting it is when you have tried hundreds of treatments without any success and someone suggests you should try an expensive one, and - guess what - it sounds the most implausible of all. It sounds just plain wrong. Of course you think, No Siree!
I am not urging anyone to try MT/RT/LP. I'm just being truthful about my ongoing experience with MT and how it has surprised me so far.

2) Phases of illness - Regular readers may know that I have been ill with ME for 20 years and my worst phases left me bed bound for two separate episodes of 4 years each. In the beginning the severity was almost beyond words. It was like a living death - I couldn't hold a knife and fork, wash my own hair, talk, watch TV, bear light or sound. I was in agonising head pain and felt 'poisoned' to death every waking moment. I was 7 stone and had involuntary muscle twitches, strobe-like flickering behind my eyes, new onset eczema etc, etc. You get the picture.
Do I think MT could have helped me then? My gut instinct would have said no, but one of the things MT has done for me now is to make more open in my thinking. I can't see how it could have helped the living death phases, but then I was adamant it wouldn't help now either. I have heard of MT/RT therapists who do house visits to the severely ill and claim that they can facilitate some sparks of improvement. My jury is out.

3) Price - I know it is expensive. MT folk are lobbying for trials to try and get it on the NHS (some ME folk are against this, but I think if it was free, there would be nothing to lose, for those who want to risk trying it). Anecdotally I hear that some therapists do give clients a discount after a few sessions. I hear that the MT/RT companies have a lot of running costs. If I took all the money I've lost over the years on trying a 101 things, it would pay for MT, and at least I am seeing some results, where before I saw none. (Pauses to remember dosh wasted on homeopathy, acupuncture, supplements ad infinitum, faith healers, some weird guru who cut off my hair and analysed it for cellular injuries?!)

4) Looking back on my first two sessions, my therapist said my face was 'a picture of complete doubt'. Yup. I was asked to 'suspend my disbelief' and try to follow the new theories in small ways. It is not about forcing or pushing. That is all I tried to do in the beginning. It was very slow, frustratingly slow, but I started to see pockets or small 'shifts', where I didn't feel as ill as I thought I would in the usual circumstances.

Okay...I'm beginning to feel uneasy as if I've fallen into trying to defend my status-quo, and defensiveness is unrelaxing. (If you live by the blog, you die by the blog, said Nice Man cheerfully). So I'll leave it here for now. I hope I make more progress, so I'll be able to consolidate what I'm trying to say. So I can talk the talk, then walk the walk.



cusp said...

Poor you. I feel like we've kind of badgered you into feeling defensive now. You don't need to and the last thing you need is to feel like you have to prove anything: that'll just provide more pressure.

You are walking the walk already by showing such committment to the process. If it's doing you good, then Bravo ! and long may it continue.

Enjoy the new freedoms.

I'm going to shut up and shuffle off now.

Take care.

nmj said...

if you live by the blog, you die by the blog

I love it, C, that is perfect.