People have told me they like the honesty of this 'ere blog, so I am bound by honesty to report that I am feeling a bit melancholy this evening. Ironic, perhaps as the Mickel Therapy is still going well overall. (How many of you readers are hungry for more specific MT feedback and how many dip in for everyday bloggy observations?)
For Mickel watchers, one aspect of the therapy is to learn to cast a neutral and calculating eye on your life as is and compare it with how you think your life would have been if you had never fallen ill. Then you have to leave no stone unturned in your hunt for ways that you could move forward, even crawl forward, to make up some of the difference. I know it sounds too facile to be applicable ("well, of course we would get better if we could", etc) and yet, I have seen some progress in my attempts to press forward.
Today I had my meeting at the job centre and I will fill in a form to let me start some voluntary work and/or to earn a tiny bit extra each week. It is progress certainly, and yet I think some of the hovering melancholy comes from feeling the size of the gap between where I am and where I want to go.
I talked to my dear friend, Stuart tonight and he said when he started to get better from his lonely years of physical debility, he wrestled with frustrations and anger that arose as he met life's challenges on the way back up towards the 'real' world. I suppose it makes sense in a way. It can just catch you by surprise.