Sunday night and once more I have used what I call the weekend syndrome for and against myself. That is, I know I'm not fit enough to do X or Y, but I tell myself, it's the weekend! and I protest inwardly that everyone treats themselves at the weekend so why shouldn't I have the treat of attempting to disregard or short-circuit the awful debility? The trick is to ride rough-shod over what my body is telling me and pledge to pay my dues on weekdays. Even writing this makes me feel semi-ashamed. Clearly this is not sensible planning or wise pacing. To quote Dr Charles Lapp,
'I can assure you from experience that pushing and crashing, denial, depression and a negative attitude are all formulas for disaster, and I have never seen a patient who practiced them and yet recovered.'
I know, I know, yes, we know. But often I feel that pushing it (in short bursts anyway) is the only way I can have some semblance of a life, which in turn keeps my spirit fed.
Anyway, the weekend goody bag included being driven to the country to pick blackberries; and a trip to the cinema to see Little Miss Sunshine, which was kooky and amusing but hardly all-out-hilarious. The blackberries tasted great in a smoothie, whizzed with avocado and apple juice. Check the anti-oxidants on that. And I saw a farm cat greeting a dairy cow - whiskered cat nose sniffing up at wet cow nose, bending down, as if they were the same species.
-C
5 comments:
Ciara - I know exactly what you mean. I fight this battle all the time. I want to feel like I have a real life, just for a few hours! So I do something crazy and stupid, like walk around the mall, and then pay for it. I'm getting better, but I think I'll always struggle with this. But the cat-cow moment? That sounds like it was worth it! Jennie
Ciara,
I would say that the payback for a nice day out in the counry is worth it, just think you could have spent the day cleaning windows and felt the same. I have been trying to "pace" this illness for 16 years and whilst you know it makes sense, it is impossible if you want to stay sane.
Am big on smoothies at the moment, it's blueberries for me.
Ugh tell me about it! I'm all slow motion today. Did far too much this weekend. x
I'm glad you had a fun weekend! I suppose Dr. Lapp knows pwcs who have gotten well from pacing correctly then? Wish it would work for me! I've been ill with cfs since '85 and I've only gotten worse even though I quit work in 2000, have a doting husband, no kids, no pets and get pampered and pace myself very well.
What I've learned from my years with cfs is that we just do our best and this dd will take it's own course. I hear ya on the crashing after exertion but many of us crash after no exertion,
So far, the very few pwcs I've read about getting "well" say they haven't a clue why. They just did. Sounds alot like when we first come down with it, eh?
Anyway, I say do what you want and carry no guilt about it.
Cheers, Tracey
Thanks for all the comments, gang :-)
and Hi Tracey - yes, I don't know anyone who 'paced' themselves better either. Good points you make....
-C
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